Five Times
by BregoArodShadowfax
Summary: Five times Kurt Hummel ALMOST said "I Love You" to Finn Hudson and one time he did .


**Title: ****Five Times Kurt Hummel **_**Almost **_**Said "I Love You" to Finn Hudson (and One Time he Did)**

**Fandom: Glee**

**Rating: R**

**Pairing: Finn/Kurt**

**Chapter: 1/1**

**Word Count: 6000+**

**Notes/Spoilers: None, really, if you've been keeping up with the show.**

**Five Times Kurt Hummel **_**Almost **_**Said "I Love You" to Finn Hudson (and One Time He Did)**

**1. **

"So anyway, what you guys did for me and Quinn today? That was all kinds of awesome, dude. Thanks."

"Of course. We've been planning it for a few days now, it was mostly Mercedes who organized it. Let's face it, singing ballads to each other in this day and age, in high school no less, is only a recipe for jealousy and disaster," Kurt replied, hugging his binder to his chest as he and Finn made their way down the hall.

"Yeah, but I still kind of feel cheated, y'know? I mean, you were gonna sing to me, right?" Finn stopped by his locker, staring at the lock as if he couldn't quite remember the code. "What was that song called again?"

"I…Honestly Love You," Kurt said softly, leaning back against the row of lockers as Finn fiddled with the lock some more.

"Yeah. It sounds…romantic and stuff," Finn decided, grinning as the lock finally popped open. "Awesome."

"Great. I'll be off," Kurt turned to walk down the hall and Finn grabbed his shoulder, the unexpectedness of the gesture freezing Kurt to the spot.

"Hey, you don't have to rush off. I never thanked you properly for helping me so much this week," Finn informed him.

"Finn, I got your girlfriend practically disowned. I would hardly call that helping," Kurt tried to walk away again but Finn merely tightened his grip.

"Nah, dude that wasn't your fault. Besides, now Quinn's in a place where she doesn't have to hide anymore. My mom's totally cool with it…I mean, she's a little freaked, but she's awesome and I know she's gonna take care of Quinn until the baby comes," Finn amended, Kurt giving him a tiny smile. "Anyway, let's get pizza?"

"Finn Hudson, do you have any idea how many empty calories are in pizza?" Kurt gracefully slung his binder under his arm so he could set a hand on his hip and glare sternly at Finn, who looked completely unaffected.

"Yeah, but it tastes good. C'mon, it's not gonna kill you."

Kurt hesitated for a moment, his mind screaming at him because this was almost like a date. A date. With Finn Hudson. Except…not, because they were just friends going out for pizza and Finn was in a relationship and…be resolutely shut his mind up and took a breath. "Okay, then. But if my clothes start to not fit properly, you're buying me new ones."

"Come on, dude! I can't even afford to buy clothes for me!"

"Then let me buy the pizza. At least that way it'll be my own fault," Kurt sighed, resigned.

"Hey, it's not like I need charity or…"

"Look, Finn, you know as well as I do that Quinn's still on the fence. If…_if_…she decides not to give the baby up for adoption, do you have any idea how much money it's going to cost you? Considering that fact that, while her parents have ample amounts of it, they no longer want anything to do with her?" Kurt asked carefully, knowing he'd gone too far when the look on Finn's face told him clearly that, no, he hadn't considered how expensive raising a child could be.

"I…I didn't…"

"Finn…" Kurt wasn't sure where to go, now, but eventually he and Finn found themselves in a nearby pizza parlour, Finn gulping down slices at a rather alarming rate.

"You're right, man," he said after a while. "I've got no idea how we're gonna raise a kid on the money we have. But…if she wants to keep it, we're gonna try. I love that kid already," Finn grinned at him and Kurt smiled weakly back. "Thanks, though. For being real with me."

"Of course. What are friends for?"

"Well, Puck would just go on and on about some woman he'd seen at the supermarket."

And there he went, Kurt thought, taking rhetorical questions and making them literal. But that child-like innocence was just one of the things he loved about Finn Hudson. "Well, rest assured, I'm never going to tell you of my exploits cougar hunting."

"Yeah, 'cuz you're gay."

"And that…" Kurt shifted in his seat, knowing that he'd denied the truth to Finn before. "That doesn't bother you?"

"Nah. I mean, I'm pretty sure Brit and Santana have something going on," he pointed out, his pizza rapidly diminishing as he seemed to be able to talk and eat simultaneously. Kurt supposed he should have found it disgusting, but maybe that's what love did: made things that you normally found appalling endearing. "Anyway, I know I'm not, like, the greatest person to give you advice, but you've been really great about listening to me with Quinn and everything, ,so…if you ever need to talk?" he asked it like it was a question, but Kurt beamed at him before he could control it.

"That's really…nice of you, Finn. Thank you. Not many people would do that for me," Kurt admitted, staring down at the table.

"You're awesome, dude. They just need to learn that," Finn had polished off his pizza, Kurt deciding to take what was left of his home to his dad. They left the restaurant and Finn clapped him on the shoulder so hard he stumbled before looking sheepish and adding, "Thanks again, Kurt. I really needed that."

"Of course," Kurt looked at him before shaking his head. "I…" _love you. _"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Later!" Finn waved and took off down the street, and Kurt stared at his pizza box, wondering how on earth he was going to get himself out of this now.

**2. **

This was torture. He flipped another page of the magazine, exchanging a look with Santana that told him she felt exactly the same way. Brittany was staring vacantly out into space, apparently intrigued by the wall, and everyone else in the room was a mess of nervous energy.

Except Rachel, who hadn't bothered to come at all (not that Kurt could blame her; he'd much rather be watching Vocal Adrenaline right now, too. At least that way he'd be able to figure out if they had a shot at this). And he couldn't even talk to Mercedes, because now that she and Quinn had their little sisterhood thing going on she was actually in the room with her.

So no, there was nobody out here to talk to, except…

Except Finn. Who had snuck off to the washroom a quarter of an hour ago and hadn't yet come back. Kurt hoped that somebody else would go and find him, but since nobody seemed to be moving, he supposed he had to take the initiative.

He stood, nobody seeming to notice, except Santana who raised an eyebrow. He mouthed "Finn" and she nodded, turning back to her magazine. Making his way to the washroom, he rapped on the door. "Finn? Are you in there?"

"Kurt?"

"Yeah," Kurt replied, glad when he heard the lock click but rather surprised when Finn tugged him into the small room and re-locked the door. "Finn? What is it?" Truth be told he and Finn were still on rather shaky ground since the…incident, but they were both moving forward, and that was all Kurt could really hope for at this point.

"I'm…"

Kurt looked up, knowing instantly that Finn had been crying, and stepped back, although all he really wanted to do was put his arms around the taller boy and make him feel better. "Finn? Talk to me."

"It's stupid," Finn sighed and sat down on the toilet lid, as much as Kurt wanted to yell at him that there are probably _billions _of germs there. "I mean, really stupid, but…I still love that kid. I mean, I spent so long thinking she was mine, that I guess I still kinda do. And as freaked out and moody as I was when I first found out Quinn was pregnant, as much as I thought it was ruining my life, now…it's kind of special, you know? But it's all just a lie," he said bitterly, and Kurt knew him well enough by this point to know that Finn rarely got upset; he just got angry.

"Finn, that's not stupid. That's normal. Quinn should have told you the truth as soon as she found out…"

"Yeah, but dude, getting pregnant in a hot tub! I believed her!"

"Don't beat yourself up over it. When she first told you, I'm betting you were too busy trying to cope with the pregnancy to try and rationalize how it happened," Kurt was still standing far away, but Finn looked up at him, the look in his eyes so hopeless.

"It's girls, man. You were right. I mean, Quinn lies to me and sleeps with my best friend, Rachel tells me I'm too impatient and then when I take some time off she hooks up with Jesse right away, Santana and I have sex but all she wants is a burger, and I…"

"Hold it. You and _Santana?" _Kurt's eyes widened as he looked at Finn.

"Yeah. Rachel and Jesse were gonna…and I was jealous, and she offered, and…" Finn groaned. "It didn't mean anything. It was horrible."

"Okay," Kurt was _not _going to think about Finn having sex, no way. "Okay," he repeated with a lingering sigh. "Finn, you haven't had the greatest luck with relationships, but that doesn't mean…"

"I told Rachel I loved her today."

And Kurt's heart skipped a beat. "Oh. And…?"

"It was right before we went out to sing, she said "Break a leg" and I said "I love you." I really hope she thinks it was nerves, 'cuz it kinda was, but maybe I've just realized that she's the only one who's come back to me…lots of times. Maybe we're meant to be, y'know? I just don't know if I'm ready to deal with her as my…girlfriend."

"Well, you'll have to figure that out on your own. But don't lead her on," Kurt decided that staying deliberately vague was the best course of action, and Finn gave him a tiny smile, his eyes still wet.

"Thanks again, dude. I have to stop unloading on you."

"I've told you, I don't mind," Kurt shook his head. "Come on, then. Ready to face the world?"

"Yeah," Finn went to the sink and splashed some water on his face before straightening up. "Do I look okay?"

Kurt studied him for a few seconds before smoothing his collar and adjusting his tie. "Now you do."

"Good. I just…you're great, man," Finn looked unsure, still obviously a little confused as to where he and Kurt stood in their present relationship, but eventually he tugged Kurt forward into a warm hug, and Kurt clung to him, realizing that this was the first time they'd ever done this.

"I know," Kurt eventually replied, trying not to dwell on how well he _fit _in Finn's arms. "And remember, Rachel's not the only one who cares about you. We're all here for you, Finn."

"Yeah," Finn agreed. "Well, let's go," he let go of Kurt and opened the door, ushering him out with a warm hand placed on the small of his back. Kurt knew he didn't mean anything by it, but his mind was still dwelling over the fact that Finn found it unspeakably easy to say "I love you" to Rachel but he'd never say it to Kurt.

And as much as Kurt had wanted to replace "cares about you" with "loves you" in his little pep-talk, he knew he couldn't. It doesn't stop him standing in the doorway of the waiting room and watching Finn as he goes to sit down, looking a little calmer.

It also doesn't stop him from thinking _I love you _as he does it.

**3. **

The air was bitterly cold and there was about a foot of snow on the ground, the grey winter skies muting everything, giving the barren trees and cold stone monuments surrounding him an almost ethereal glow. A sprinkling of fresh snow was falling from the sky, and there was a stillness to everything, a hush that could only happen in winter, everything muted by a layer of white.

"You loved winter, didn't you? Well, Christmas," Kurt amended, reaching to brush some snow off of the stone, the words "Always Remembered-Always Loved" appearing under his glove. "Said it was your favorite time of year. Couldn't understand why all of your friends got depressed about the number of calories they took in or the extra five pounds they put on over the holidays."

He smiled bitterly, his hand coming to rest on the stone as he knelt in front of it. "I miss you. I know you'd know what to do about…_him. _Dad's great, but he doesn't understand what it's like to be in love with another boy. And there's really nobody I can talk to, not like I can talk to you. I wish you were here," he finished softly, beginning to hum quietly in the stillness of the cemetery.

"Kurt?"

"Finn?" Kurt stood up, brushing snow off of his jeans, and Finn came into view. "What are you doing here?"

"You dad said you'd be here," Finn said quietly, coming to stand beside him.

"He knows I like to come alone," Kurt protested, not really angry, just kind of…subdued.

Finn noticed and put an arm around Kurt's shoulders, pulling him in close. They've gotten a lot closer in the past few months, and physical contact between them has become almost the norm. Kurt leant into his chest, breath coming out in puffs as he tried to decide what to say. "When I come here, I want to be alone."

"Yeah, your dad said that, too. But he said that usually when you say that you really don't," Finn shrugged, looking like he didn't really understand what that meant. "And you're not exactly pulling away, dude."

"It's cold out," Kurt rationalized, pushing his face against Finn's coat.

"Hey, Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"Would she…your mom, I mean…would she have liked me?" Finn asked quietly, and Kurt looked up at him, noticing that he was staring intently at the headstone.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think she really would have, Finn," Kurt closed his eyes.

"And my mom and your dad?"

"I think she wouldn't have wanted him to grieve forever, and that if he found somebody that made him happy, he should take a chance with it," Kurt answered. "She was a really giving person, and she'd have hated to see somebody sad just because she wasn't around."

"Sounds a lot like you," Finn said earnestly, and Kurt shook his head.

"Sweetie, no. I only wish I could be more like her. I get jealous and manipulative _far _too easily, and let's face it, I've done some things in the past year I'm not proud of."

"But you've made up for it," Finn countered. "And you're so strong, dude. I mean, most people who got bullied as much as you would just start trying to blend in, but you never hid who you were, and that's really awesome."

"She always told me to never hide who I was," Kurt shrugged. "I guess I've always lived by that."

"Well, that's great," Finn admitted. "I think she'd be proud of you."

"Thanks," Kurt leaned farther into him, placing his arms around Finn's waist. "I'd like to think she would be, too."

"You know, Kurt, even though I really think it's easier that I never knew my dad, sometimes I wish I did, just so I knew what he was like, y'know? What's that old saying? It's better to have loved and lost?" Finn furrowed his brow, obviously thinking, and Kurt decided to help him along.

"Better to have loved and lost than to never love at all," he said quietly, a big part of him wondering if it was true, if all of this with Finn was really worth it in the end.

"Yeah. That one," Finn slid his hand down to take Kurt's. "You okay to go? It's getting dark."

"Yes," Kurt tugged Finn closer to the headstone, pausing to touch his glove to his lips and then place it on the marble. "I love you Mom. I'll come back soon."

Finn looked unsure, but Kurt nodded to him, and eventually he said, "Goodbye, Mrs. Hummel. I never knew you, but your son is an amazing guy, and I'm lucky to know him."

Kurt tried to keep himself from crying, knowing the tears would probably freeze to his cheeks or something, but Finn's words pushed him over the edge and he was gone, sobbing in a graveyard, as Finn shushed him and pulled him close, murmuring things he couldn't understand into his hair. Finally he managed to make out, "I'm sorry, dude. I shouldn't have…"

"No," Kurt choked out, pulling back enough that he could look Finn in the eye. "No, that was..."

"Was it okay? I'm like no good with speeches," Finn's cheeks were red, and Kurt guessed it was as much embarrassment was it was the nip in the air.

"It was wonderful. Really." _I love you. _

"Good. C'mon, then. I think there's a couple of hot chocolates with our names on them," Finn tugged on his elbow, and with a last lingering look at the grave, Kurt followed him out of the cemetery.

**4. **

"I love weddings!"

"You just love the food," Kurt responded, looking dispassionately around the dance hall.

"Yeah! It's free, dude, and there's like tons of it."

"Typical boy," Kurt reached up to adjust his hair before glancing at the DJ, wondering when the dance would start. Some cousin of Finn's was getting married and so Carole had invited he and his father along to 'meet the family,' although Kurt was less than enthused about the whole shebang.

"Hey, I've gotta like something about it, right?" Finn rationalized. "Else I'd be bored all night."

"Much like I am. Do you even _know _this cousin of yours?"

"Not really," Finn admitted, and Kurt looked around, wondering…oh, heavens, there were eighty-year-old _men _playing a game where the aim seemed to be keeping a balloon from hitting the floor. He began to fear for his Armani suit as the game, while in concept benign, was ending up with far too many spilled drinks.

"Then why are we here?"

"Our family's never been that close," Finn shrugged. "I mean, we're not like the people that have family reunions every summer. We see each other every couple of years and that's about it, and after Dad died, we really don't have much to do with his side of the family."

"Sounds suspiciously like my family," Kurt muttered, pushing his plate away.

"You not gonna eat that?"

"Knock yourself out," Kurt pushed the plate his way and Finn enthusiastically set upon it, despite the fact that there was plenty of uneaten food on the buffet line still.

"Thanks," he muttered, and Kurt decided he'd changed his mind: at this moment, nothing in the _world _could make Finn talking with his mouth full in any way endearing.

"Hey, you gonna dance with anybody?"

"Who? I don't know anybody here," Kurt reminded him, and Finn shrugged.

"You know me."

"Finn Hudson, you and I are _not _going to dance in front of your family."

"Why not?" Finn looked honestly confused, bless him, and Kurt explained, "Sweetie, two guys dancing together? It won't…"

"It's _fine, _Kurt. We're practically family anyway, and…" he pointed to where the bride, his cousin, was leading off the dances, and after she'd danced with her new husband immediately pulled one of her bridesmaids up to slow dance with her. "How is this any different?"

"Unfortunately, because we're guys," Kurt muttered, staring at the cheap tablecloth. "You go on and have fun, Finn."

"Okay."

Finn's hand lingered on his shoulder as he went off, and Kurt watched him dance with a pretty girl (another cousin) for a couple of songs (and had Finn gotten better at dancing, or was it just that during a slow dance you really didn't have to move your feet?) before she rushed off to talk to some other family members, and Kurt turned back to the table.

Kurt lost track of time for a bit, vaguely registering that his dad and Carole were now dancing (and he was pointedly not going to watch that because, much like Finn, his dad is _so _not the greatest dancer).

This was officially the most boring wedding. Ever. And Kurt usually _liked _weddings. Finn eventually came back over, looking at him sadly. "Come on, Kurt."

"No," Kurt said again, just as the opening notes of "Faithfully" came over the sound system, and he decided that somebody must _really _hate him, especially when Finn started singing along. Kurt knew his cheeks were bright red as he finally took Finn's hand and let the taller boy lead him out to the floor, immediately pulling him close and continuing to sing in his ear.

Kurt held onto him, making sure to keep his feet out of the way of Finn's massive shoes, and when he finally realized that everybody else was a)too drunk to notice them or b)not even looking, he began to relax a little, leaning his head against Finn's shoulder as Finn moved their hands, keeping them clasped over his heart.

"See? It's not so bad," Finn told him at one point, pulling him closer.

"Okay, you were right," Kurt admitted, once again telling himself that Finn just saw this as a favor to him, not a declaration of love or anything.

"Sing with me?"

Kurt nodded and started to quietly sing along, trying not to think too much about how his heart clenched when Finn sang "I'm forever yours-faithfully".

It was just a song, Kurt reminded himself. That's it.

And as the song finished and the world came rushing back in, chatter and noise and the clinking of glasses, Finn hugged him close. "So? Not horrible?"

"No," Kurt wasn't letting go now, and Finn patted him on the back.

"Good. And thanks, man, for dancing with me, y'know?"

_I love you. _Well, that's what he really wanted to say, but he ended up just replying, "No problem," and heading back to his seat, wondering if he could sneak a glass of something from the open bar because he really, _really _needed it right now.

**5.**

"Kurt?"

"Ah!"

Kurt jumped, shocked, and immediately groaned as he stumbled into Finn's waiting arms.

"Hey, dude, it's like two in the morning," Finn whispered, scooping Kurt up into his arms and carrying him down the stairs when it became apparent that Kurt wasn't even going to protest. "Where were you? You dad was freaking out."

"Nowhere," Kurt lied, sighing as Finn set him down on his bed.

"Okay. You don't have to tell me, I guess," Finn sounded disappointed. "But dude, you look like a mess. Have you been crying?"

"You can tell?" Kurt was mortified, and Finn nodded and sat carefully beside him on the bed.

"Yeah. Your eyes are all red," Finn informed him, and Kurt reached up to touch his face, feeling the lingering wetness of tear-tracks. "I thought you were out with Sam…oh. _Oh," _his eyes widened. "Dude, you didn't…"

"Yes. For your information, I did," Kurt stared defiantly at him, the effect somewhat ruined by how disheveled he looked.

"So why'd you come home? I mean," Finn backed away.

Kurt shook his head, fresh tears welling in his eyes, and Finn took another step backward.

"Do you want a glass of water? Anything?"

Kurt shook his head again so Finn went to sit on his own bed, staring at the wall.

"So what's wrong, Kurt? I mean, did he hurt you? Because I swear to God I'll…"

"No," Kurt shook his head. "No. I mean…yes, I'm going to be sore for a couple of days, but that's supposed to happen. It…gets better, I think," he tried to sound positive. "At least, that's what Sam…"

"Hey, why don't you go take a shower?" Finn suggested. "You'll feel better."

"Okay," Kurt winced when he stood, heading for the washroom, and Finn lay back on the bed, dozing, until the water turned off and Kurt came back out, wearing a pair of loose sweatpants and an old t-shirt of Finn's as he crawled onto Finn's bed beside him.

"Need anything?" Finn asked again, hating how small and fragile Kurt looked right now.

"No," Kurt repeated. "I just feel so…used. Dirty. And I mean, I know I shouldn't, because…it's…I mean, it's not _normal, _really, but it's what we _do, _so I shouldn't be ashamed of it. But…"

"It didn't feel special," Finn nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt after Santana and I…"

"Right. It just seemed like it was so…routine for him. Like I could have been anybody and it would have happened the same way. I think…I think we're done, Finn. He told me to leave afterward in case his parents came in," Kurt added. "Not that I can blame him, but…"

Finn had some choice words to describe Sam and told Kurt so, but Kurt shook his head and placed his fingers over Finn's lips. "I'm breaking up with him. I'll do it on Monday," Kurt promised him. "I just…you want your first time to be…"

"You want it to mean something," Finn suggested. "I guess we both got screwed over, huh?"

"Yeah. Funny how that works," Kurt was still staring at the wall, tears still leaking out of his eyes, and Finn carefully touched his shoulder and got him to turn, Kurt instinctively throwing his arms around Finn and starting to cry into his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm embarrassing myself…"

"Nah, dude. Let it out," Finn rubbed his back soothingly, hating that he couldn't do more. He and Kurt had gotten really, really close over the past couple of years and Finn honestly couldn't think of his life without the other boy in it.

"You aren't…disgusted by me?"

"Why?"

"Because of who I am," Kurt sounded like he almost _expected _Finn to hate him. "Because…I mean, there's a big difference between just being gay and…sodomy."

"Soda-what?"

"Having sex," Kurt clarified, and Finn nodded.

"Why would I be? I mean, it's not any different than me doing it with Santana, right? You're still _you , _dude."

They were quiet for a while, Kurt's sobs eventually subsiding as Finn continued to rub his back, and Finn eventually reached back to pull the blanket over them, shifting over so they were properly on the bed before wrapping his arms around Kurt again.

"One day, Kurt. One day we'll find that someone special," he promised, and Kurt, of course, still didn't have the guts to tell him that he'd already _found _his somebody.

"You know what the worst part is?"

"What?"

"You know in all the movies and novels, when it's over, the first thing people say is "I love you?"

"Yeah," Finn agreed.

"I couldn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't. How pathetic is that?" Kurt laughed, somewhat hysterically, and Finn shushed him and pressed his cheek against Kurt's hair.

"It's not. You're not the type of guy to say that unless you mean it," Finn stroked his back some more, calming him down again.

"Hey, Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to kick me out of your bed?"

"Never, dude," Finn assured him, and Kurt hugged him tighter and mumbled "Thank you" into his shirt when of course he meant _I love you, _and it was starting to get really old, the number of times he wanted to say it and covered it up with something else.

Finn, true to his word, was still there the next morning, and when he offered to bring Kurt breakfast in bed the smaller boy couldn't (and didn't) say no. And while part of him still kind of wished that it was Sam doing it for him, because Sam is (was?), after all, his _boyfriend, _it didn't take much to decide that Kurt would _much_ rather have Finn do it.

**And One Time He Did**

"Nationals! Freaking _Nationals!" _

Kurt tried to keep out of everybody's way as the raucous party wound its way through the hotel lobby, earning themselves glares from the receptionists until they'd all piled into the elevator.

"Guys! Guys!" Mr. Schuester waved his arms in an attempt to calm them all down. "Guys, c'mon! I want you _all _to get to bed early tonight so we're rested and ready for tomorrow, and then tomorrow night we can celebrate all we want once we have that title!"

There were more cheers that gradually dissipated as everybody headed into their rooms, and Kurt flopped back on his bed with a relieved sigh.

"Wow, everyone's so hyped!" Finn, apparently going a mile a minute, dropped his bag on the other bed and started pacing up and down the room, Kurt worrying that he was soon going to wear a path through the carpet.

Of course, Kurt knew by now that when Finn got nervous, he didn't sit down and try to Zen himself or anything; no, he paced. Incessantly. Until he went on stage. Which, considering that showtime was a good eighteen hours away, was going to get very irritating very quickly.

"Finn, sweetie, calm down," Kurt urged, turning on the television and trying to find some mundane sports thing that Finn would no doubt appreciate, but Finn just kept going. Truth be told, Kurt was a little nervous as well, because Mr. Schue had insisted that, although the Glee Club had expanded in the last couple of years, since it was the senior year for the original twelve, each of them would either have a singing solo or a dance solo. And while Kurt appreciated the show of equality and everything, it was definitely nerve-wracking (although he would bet anybody anything that Rachel wasn't nervous at all).

"I can't, Kurt! This is so incredible!" Finn punctuated this with an arm wave that nearly took the lamp off of the dresser and Kurt got to his feet.

"Woah there, easy," Kurt righted the lamp and took Finn's elbow, leading him to the bed and perching beside him. "I know you get excited, but this is extreme even for you."

"Sorry. I just…this is our last shot, Kurt! We've gotta win this!"

"Yes, but in order to do that, some of us have to _sleep, _and I can't have you pacing around all night," Kurt told him gently, his fingers unconsciously stroking down Finn's arm.

"Dude."

"Yes?"

"Nothing," Finn decided, standing up and moving to adjust the pillows before he kicked off his shoes and leant back against the headboard, fingers still twitching as he reached for the remote. "C'mere, though. Maybe if you hold me down I won't pace."

And Kurt got some _very _graphic images in his head at those words, but he shook them off. Still, what Finn was asking him to do…oh, forget it, he told the voice in his head. If Finn was fine with it, there was no reason he shouldn't be.

He crawled up the bed, settling a little awkwardly between Finn's legs and leaning back against his chest, noting that Finn didn't seem the least bit bothered by the position. Finn eventually found some sports highlights to watch.

"So why aren't you in Rachel's room, if I may ask?" Kurt said during a commercial, and Finn sighed, his breath mussing up strands of Kurt's hair.

"Rach and I are currently 'taking a break,'" Finn said bitterly, and Kurt sympathized: he and Rachel took an awful lot of 'breaks.'

"What's her problem this time?"

"Said I was a distraction in getting ready for Nationals, so we called it off until after the competition. Maybe that's why I'm so nervous," he laughed. "Every other competition when I started to ramble she'd just shut me up by kissing me."

"…Oh," Kurt tried to sound interested, but really he was thinking about being in Rachel's place and how…

Well, he thought to himself, how many times over the last few years had he almost told Finn something personal and stopped himself because he feared rejection? But this was it: after Nationals was graduation, and then they were officially _not _in high school anymore. If this went sour, he could avoid Finn practically forever (not that he wanted to), but if it worked…well, he'd feel bad about wasting so much time, but it couldn't hurt to try.

It couldn't.

"Well," he tried to keep his tone flippant; uncaring, although Finn seemed to sense he was uncomfortable. "I know I'm not Rachel, but if you promise not to slap me I'll see what I can do."

Finn blinked owlishly at him before grinning. "Dude. You know I'm not…"

"I know. Sorry. It was stupid," Kurt turned away angrily and made to leave but Finn's arms tightened around his chest and stopped him.

"Kurt, I'm not gay. But you…you're different than anybody I've ever met. You've helped me through so much and trusted me with so much and I just…I owe you a lot. If it's what you want, I won't say no to you," he finally said, and now it was Kurt's turn to be utterly speechless.

"You…Finn, I don't quite know if you realize the implications of what you're suggesting. I know that your reputation is important to you and if you happen to…mmph…"

Kurt stopped as Finn leant forward and kissed him softly, Kurt's hand clenching in the sheets before he raised it to cup the back of Finn's neck and haul him closer, mouths opening against each other as they deepened the kiss. Kurt thought his brain must have been on overload because there wasn't a coherent thought in there until Finn's hand slipped up the back of his shirt, skin on skin, and he pulled back with a gasp.

"Finn…Finn, if you do this, you can't go back…"

"I know," Finn growled, lips seeking out Kurt's neck as the smaller boy tilted his head back instinctively, a tiny moan slipping from his lips. "Right now, Kurt, I really don't care."

"Good to know," Kurt gasped as Finn began to unbutton his shirt before he reached out to return the favor, and by the time they were done they were a mess of sticky jeans and sticky sheets and Kurt _really _needed a shower. "Ick."

Finn sighed happily, his fingers lightly tracing patterns on Kurt's skin, and Kurt turned to him sleepily. "Well, you can say you tired me out."

"Good," Kurt kissed Finn's shoulder, mostly because it was the closest thing to him. "But Finn, you know you just…"

"Kurt, you know me better than I know myself sometimes. I thought that what I felt toward you was just because of that, but maybe it isn't. Maybe I really like you…I mean, Rachel and I have never done…_that_," he sounded slightly awed, and Kurt felt a surge of affection go through him at the words.

"I'm just glad you're not running away screaming," Kurt admitted, and Finn pressed a kiss into his hair.

"Never."

"Finn?"

"Yes?"

And Kurt steeled himself, took a breath, and said bravely, "I love you."

"I know, dude. I've known for a long time," Finn assured him. "And for the record, I think I might love you, too."

Kurt wasn't quite sure if he believed that, but the fact was that, unlike Sam, Finn wasn't kicking him out or leaving. Finn was still holding him, still gently stroking his back, and Kurt nuzzled his neck and slumped against him, sated and comfortable.

At least, until Puck yelled through the door that they were going for ice cream and a mad scramble for clean clothes happened, Kurt trying vainly to fix his hair while Finn called that they'd be out in a minute. Finally (and they'd made rather good time, all things considered) they were ready to go, and Finn stopped Kurt from opening the door long enough to press a chaste kiss to his lips. He slung his arm around Kurt's shoulders and opened the door, keeping a hold of him even as they wandered down to the lobby.

And Kurt didn't know how long this would last or if Finn would get back with Rachel tomorrow and forget about everything, but he knew that Finn couldn't deny that what they had was special.

And, let's face it, he'd waited long enough for this. And with the way Finn curled around him that night, holding him tight under the blankets, Kurt suspected he wouldn't be going anywhere for a very, very long time.

**Notes:**

**1. I've never actually written one of these 'Five Times…' fics before, so I decided to give it a go, and it was really fun to do!**

**2. My family, unfortunately, was the one playing the balloon game at my cousin's wedding (and her husband's family looked at us like we were crazy). Also, my eighty-year-old great-uncle totally joined in. **

**3. When I get nervous before a performance, I'm one of those people that can't sit still and probably annoys everybody by pacing back and forth backstage. So that's probably where that came from!**

**4. I hope everybody enjoyed! Reviews/comments are really appreciated, so let me know what you thought :)**


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